Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
