so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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