Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
