what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
