She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
