2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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