What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
