The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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