watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize