Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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