hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
