I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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