____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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