and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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