You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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