her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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