32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
