My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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