i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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