haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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