is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
