apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
