Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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