He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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