whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
