i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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