I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
