Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't turn off my feet"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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