Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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