i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
