you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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