that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
