I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
