I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
