I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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