I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
