chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
