i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
