i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
