Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize