I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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