Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
