you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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