remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
