apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
