bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
