He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
