I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
