if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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