It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
