I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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