Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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