Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can't talk, ducks in the car
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
