were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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