Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
