one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
