before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
we're so committed to being not committed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize