Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
