never play flip cup with pint glasses
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
