i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
