You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
