Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His nipple licking is glorious
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