3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
