Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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