she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am available for nakedness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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