your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
