Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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