So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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