Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
