You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need water and some morals
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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