i permit you to call me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize