I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize