When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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