Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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