I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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