hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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