Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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