found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize