Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the day after is always just damage control
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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