In the future we'll all be gay
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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