she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We're too hungover to prance.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
