so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize