I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
