so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
