dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
