id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm always down for nudity.
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