So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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