absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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