YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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