I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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