Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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