I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
