i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
