He is an equal opportunity slut.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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