..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
