a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
