Kiss
Puke
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
