I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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