Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize