Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
