She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
