I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
