i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
