he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
