what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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