I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
