I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
